Adulting - CIO Style

I love the Urban Dictionary. I'm not sure why, I guess it makes me feel hip to read through some of the posts. I have contributed a few along the way like the term "Camel Up", my proudest moment.

The Urban Dictionary defines "adulting" like this. I like the part about being a fully developed individual.

Recently I was in a difficult steering committee meeting for a major enterprise project. After the meeting one of my staff members complimented me for my adulting skills. I thought that was odd, and it gave me pause to think about what it means for a CIO to act like an adult.

Don't Match Peoples Emotions
We all know them. The people that keep ratcheting up their gravitas and stress when things don't go their way, or they disagree with a position. I think about when kids throw tantrums, and adults throw tantrums in response. This is not just matching emotions, it is validation of the emotional response. Sure, understand them, even empathize with them, but don't validate them to the point that they think a tantrum is acceptable behavior. Stay calm, keep your voice calm, have relaxed body language. It tends to frustrate the hell out of people, and that makes is a bit fun (guilty pleasure). Others will take their clues from you.

Don't Take Bait
"Well, we know IT can't deliver the product on time, despite the rosy schedules, so lets spend time developing contingency plans" - Said the customer who wants to bait the CIO into over-reacting, and in the process of doing so, agreeing with them. In all likelihood, the customer probably knows they can't make the schedules work in their own department, and they are trying a classic deflection technique. Focus on the big picture, don't get defensive, smile and suggest that with a project as important as theirs, risk planning for all the partners in the project is important.

The Big Picture
It is very easy to get mired in the details. Part of being the adult in the room is keeping in mind what lay at the end of the road. Start with the "why", keep people focused on that. Never miss an opportunity to point out how the staff actions contribute to the journey.

Don't Eat The Twinkie 
I love twinkies. All time best bike endurance race food. Put a twinkie on the table in front of a kid and tell them if they wait 10 minutes to eat it, you will give them TWO twinkies. You will see what kind of impulse control they have. As the adult CIO, you have to leave the twinkie on the table. Don't invest time in project scope changes without solid, solid justification. Don't overreact when staff bring you problems. Don't panic when key staff members resign. Don't take the first offer from the vendor in contract negotiations. Don't be impulsive.

Being the adult is hard, but someone has to do it. Sometimes there might be only one adult in the room, just make sure it is you! Now, gimme that twinkie ...